The advice of a famous psychologist Julia Gippenreiter, author of the bestselling book for parents “to Communicate with the child. How?”
Julia Gippenreiter, a psychologist
1. Who are successful people? They like to live and work, live, play, get pleasure from just what they are doing. They have a whole set of other properties: optimism, kindness, lack of envy, they have a small circle of loyal friends, they love and are loved in the family, they have a good self esteem about yourself with respect. All children are candidates for such people, they have the potential for life, creative power. How to support this life-force? To give the child the freedom to develop. Don’t criticize, don’t tell me, respect his efforts and trials. Questions more important than answers – not in a hurry for the child to think, to do, to offer.
2. Not asked the question “how to make it… – learned to eat with a spoon, clean up toys, get rid of tantrums?”. The simple answer to this question is no! The child and parent together is a complicated system: their thoughts, emotions, habits, attitudes, lack of knowledge and understanding of each other. You can’t force a child to do something, you cannot force an adult to love.
3. What is lost is the motivation? From coercion, from the constant “need”. Life begins with desire, and if there is no desire, a life is lost. Ally need to be in the desires of the child. If the teenager does not want to learn, not doing lessons, scandals and annoys you – leave him alone. Doesn’t want to go to school – let no one goes through three or four days go. If you say, “I’m not doing test lessons and learning!” – things will get better soon.
4. If the child will obey their parents, it will become broken and neinitsiativen. Yes, obedient child-friendly, but then the parents will have questions: why doesn’t he want to do anything, doesn’t know what to do, excellent, but he is not interested to live? A happy man it won’t work, because mom and dad are very responsible approach to its education.
5. Do not force the child to apologize for their misdeeds. Reading morality either lead to nothing: morality is transmitted through the atmosphere in the family, through the example of parents and your respect for the child. Mom persuades her son to apologize because he insulted the Pope? But the Pope, apparently, also played roughly with him, or else the conflict would not exist. If you do not straighten out – you don’t be rude, don’t scream – and it screams. But the child needs to know that there are rules, they are invented by people to live peacefully.
6. Don’t ask what grades in school. Ask what interesting things happened today! Better get three, but he was interested in lessons. So you’re giving the child an important message: “play and live life to the fullest”. And then begin to develop its true potential, not the ones that you impose on him, and to form identity. Better to be a happy postman than neurotic-academician!
7. All the methods of education, if the communication between parents and baby is permeated with hearing it. To accept his desire is to listen. To help you understand is to listen to his misunderstanding. Take the time to Express your opinion! Listen carefully, shut up, hold the pause.