Fear of ridicule: March Cetro talks about a healthy self-esteem

February 2, 2017

How is it that you always apologize and live like in the debt? Why others can easily claim the undeserved success, and then you lose your?

At the time, I was struck by the success story of Florence foster Jenkins — the woman who believed in herself.

At first glance, this is a typical tale of Cinderella: the daughter of a wealthy American industrialist wanted to be a singer, but her father was strongly against. The girl had to flee to Europe and earn there private music lessons. Only forty-one years, received a huge inheritance, she was able to go solo — tours, collecting huge halls, release records. The pinnacle of success was triumphant performance at Carnegie Hall, and a month after the singer died at the age of seventy-six years.

And all this fate instructive and wonderful, except for one thing — poor little Florence was enchanting, unique incompetent. She had neither ear nor voice,nor sense of rhythm, and all her great work on oneself is not given the slightest result.

The people surged into her concerts to laugh, but the cause of her sudden death, they say,have negative reviews from critics at the last statement. But while she was singing, she was happy.

Any woman, preoccupied with their own adequacy and not wanting to disgrace vain, often wonders if she has the right to a better life? It is not even about stardom, but only about the next rung of the career ladder, about the most likeable guy in the group, or simply a slightly more revealing dress than usual. Not will I be a laughing stock if we declare their competence,sexuality, attractiveness? I have the right to want more?

the trailer for the film about Florence foster Jenkins

For all others the answer is Yes at least try! But we’re more bitter than death the thought that someone behind will haynet in the Cam. How to overcome this fear?

First and obvious: do not hesitate to their needs. Most owls living in a world of larks, you know, if on Saturday, at nine in the morning we received a call with a dumb question”I didn’t Wake you?”, should respond with automatic cheerfulness, “no!”. Even if you went three hours ago. Even if was working on a story… But Hey, why make excuses? You have the right to live according to your schedule. You might not work, and dance all night, this is your life and your rights. Do not have to lie and do anything to explain.

Listen to yourself, when ironically talking about their little quirks: “I here such nonsense was fond of — pokemon catch, is complete nonsense, of course. Stupid,but I collect old postcards. What would the child have anything he wants, and again I’m on a diet village.” You just need to samounichtozhitsya, talking about their tastes?

When and who banned you to play and have fun, so much so that now any irrational action require justification? Stop apologizing for your pokemon — if, of course, do not catch them at work, during sex or on someone else’s wedding instead of the bride’s bouquet.

Assert their desires. “Honey, let’s go to the cinema or to a cafe? — What do you want?” The girl herself clearly wants to eat, but is afraid to make the wrong choice. And suddenly HE wants in the movie, my version will disappoint him and show that we are too different. No, just so much detail it is, of course, not thinking, but the motivation is always present in my head: I’ll make the wrong choice between hotdogs and candy, and everything will collapse, my desires are dangerous and illegal, they need to carefully hide.

Florence Foster Jenkins

Don’t be afraid to take the last Apple. There is a concept “a piece of politeness” — when a common meal is only a sandwich, a slice of meat cake. All leave it to someone more hungry, someone who wants more. This, of course, courtly custom,but many, even in the most casual setting amidst plenty and universal satiety,accustomed to indulge in trifles. Oh no, I will not sit in the subway on the last free place, even if the legs fall off, and suddenly an old lady?! Will the old give way, and this healthy man, who plopped down on the seat while you trembled,hardly.

The question arises why, starting with a brilliant and somewhat insane Florence, I went to such detail?

Yes, because belief in yourself begins with the right to enter a full stop.

If you are always teetering on misochkah, fearing once again to squeak a floorboard and all alarm; if your needs and desires illegal for you, the boundaries of easy Flex, you deny yourself the necessities, not to mention unnecessary — you will never have inner permission to succeed. Expressing yourself, you don’t turn into the comical upstart with the first sentence, believe me, will have to try very hard to reach the level of miss Jenkins. But the hunters laugh to be around always, even if you modestly will sit in the corner life. Someone, would just go about a fool, which could achieve more, so did not dare to even try .

Although undeservedly happy Florence, of course,

Census

Article Categories:
Psychology

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