It is difficult to be the parents of a daughter: choose the severity or gentleness, to allow to be a Princess or a Tomboy? Looking for the balance that will help you daughter to grow up happy and successful.
“You’re a girl!”
If we had asked parents of the early twentieth century, what kind of future they wish for daughters, of course, we would have heard that the main thing – to marry well, have children, be a great hostess. The parents of the last century would say that the dream of a prestigious profession for my daughter – let it be, for example, a doctor, a teacher or a translator. But modern moms and dads most likely answer: it is important that the daughter learned to be happy.
Yes, just three generations ago, a successful marriage was almost the limit of women’s “careers” for that from early childhood the girl was important to learn to be feminine, handmade, household, humble. Now daughters is much less common is the idea of constraints, behavior, characteristic only for girls, suitable games and toys and, of course, necessary to give, to be obedient, gentle and patient – simply because “you’re a girl”.
But today should not seek to grow a “perfect” girl, plan in advance what qualities it should have: because each family grows a specific child with its own characteristics, temperament, preferences and aptitudes, talents and imperfections.
The main task of parenting is to help open up all that is best in a child, to realize their potential. And, of course, it fully applies to all children, regardless of gender. You’re in luck, because the girl is a whole new world: beauty and love, mischief and courage, curiosity, reverence, sensitivity and emotion. However, there is the unshakable foundations of a happy and harmonious life is a positive attitude, adherence to its nature, the joy to live and be yourself, kindness and cordiality. And the sooner you teach that to a daughter, the happier she will be.
“What am I Feeling?”
Help her daughter learn to Express emotions. Girls are different from boys expressed emotion and high sensitivity, it is natural and biologically determined. It is important to grow not capricious Princess, and delicate, sensitive and sensible girl. Your task – to help her daughter to understand the experienced emotions and feelings, and doing so without judgment and criticism. What seems capricious, and often just the difficulty of understanding and expressing feelings and needs. It is essential for everyone to have the right to recognition of their feelings!
Help the girl to call their emotions, friendly voicing them (“You’re mad”, “You’re hurt”, etc.).
Accept the right of the daughter to feel what she feels, even if you think that this situation is not what, say, offended: she is entitled to her feelings, and you on your own. Condemn not the child’s feelings, whatever they may seem strange or inappropriate.
It is sometimes useful to leave my daughter alone, alone, to give yourself time to experience emotions. In the heat of passion it is difficult to have a dialogue – a “debriefing” it is better to defer until the occurrence of a calm state. Most allow the girl to do as she wants, but within reason. Feelings are the signal requirements, it is important to be able to recognize them and choose. For example, it is important to learn to choose clothes – thornless, comfortable, suitable for event, season, weather. The ability to choose, focusing on your feelings is an important skill, it is useful to your daughter throughout life: what to wear, who to befriend, who to marry. Discuss reason for choice, teach a sensible approach.
Share your emotions and feelings. Children are not very good at reading the emotions of adults: you can be upset by problems at work, immersed in their feelings and the child feels that you resent him.
Not to torment the baby of the unknown, tell her: “you Know, I have trouble at work, I’m mad at my boss. I need a little time to recover. But now I will rest and be sure to chat with you”. So you learn her adequately to deal with feelings. In any situation, tell the daughter that you love her. These words can never be superfluous! This is especially true during times of emotional outbursts and misunderstandings. Tell her that you love her, she means a lot to you, and it’ll be easier.
Disassemble the emotions of characters in books and movies, learn to analyze other people’s feelings. Observing others, we learn and better understand themselves, and communicate. Teach my daughter that we are all different, feel different feelings and different ways they manifest, so it is important to learn to understand people. Discuss the actions of the characters: “why do you think the character did this? What she felt? How else could she do in this situation? And how would you do it?” Pay attention to the children’s book where the main character – the girl with the most different personalities, life circumstances. By the way, reading really enhances the understanding, support your affection for each other.
“I am beautiful!”
Make my daughter a positive attitude to their appearance. Today the demand of society to be physically almost perfect reductio ad absurdum: the “ideal” woman looking at us from the pages of magazines, on television, under the influence of mass culture, even Junior high school girls think about whether they have excess weight. A negative attitude towards their appearance greatly limits the lives of women, and robs the joy. Many girls are concerned about the problems of the figures, often based on nothing, and the consequences can be very serious, up to anorexia.
From early childhood girls begin gradually to be interested in his appearance to think, beautiful or not, to compare yourself with others. Daughter turns in front of the mirror? This is perfectly normal, and your task – to support its confidence in its appeal. And not in order that someone will love, it’s not the opinion of others, not an external evaluation, and how we ourselves feel about ourselves, what we want. Let my daughter know that she is beautiful, but are not limited to basements will be physical beauty. Tell your daughter how you see it. Noting the appearance (smile, hair color, harmonious addition), talk about inner qualities – sense of humor, great imagination, intelligence and friendliness.
Teenage daughter can say that your opinion does not count, but rest assured that she will hear your words and remember them.
Get in the habit of talking about the merits and demerits of other people, regardless of their appearance. So you can teach your daughter that a person’s worth is not measured by external appearance and internal qualities and actions. This will help her and myself to not judge by the “cover.”
Teach daughter to rejoice in the otherness of the others, explain that everyone is different, everyone is unique, their differences from each other – it’s great. Girls face social pressure, tend to be the same, conforming to a certain “pattern”, instead of rejoicing in what all different. Mark, what qualities of nature, especially the behavior of her friends. Share glossy magazines, explains that the image of models is only half the truth, because it is photography, retouching subjected to significant processing, in real life there are no perfect girls and women should not be equal to them. Take a funny and ironic experiment: treat photos – and your daughter-a teenager – in a special program, paper over all the spots, pull all the imperfections of the figure, fix skin tone, etc. Print out a photo and post in a prominent place under the title: “We are stars!”.
Do not criticize your appearance, body condition in the presence of daughters: your dissatisfaction will only make her think that to be female means to constantly worry about your figure and appearance, a manic monitor the weight suffer loudly about the imperfections, to grieve over the signs of aging. Help her create a positive attitude to the body: the internal sense of beauty, confidence, health, energy, strength and flexibility of your body is very important. Work on yourself and the awareness of their own attractiveness.
Help a daughter to find a suitable, pleasant to her sport that she would feel and develop your body. Not to be perfect, but in order to enjoy the movements and enjoy its flexibility, agility. And even better – exercise with the whole family.
Teach the girl of the careful attitude to the body: from early childhood she needs to know that it is important to sleep hygiene, care of skin, hair, teeth. Since childhood lay an adequate relationship to food. Tell me, what is the proper diet. This is not a diet and the balance of hunger and satiety. Small children, for example, feel good when they want to eat and when you ate enough. Explain to her daughters that food is the body’s response to hunger, and is important only when testing it.
Also do not force their daughters to finish, through it, allow to eat as much as you need them. Violence against power violate food behavior, and leads to further overeating or refusal to eat.
Teach daughter to enjoy the changes happening to her body. Divide her emotions, inspire confidence that the little Bud will bloom a beautiful flower: “You gradually become so grown up, become a real woman!” On your recognition and a positive attitude she will be able to rely on in the future.
Why the role of the father so important? Communication daughter with the father of her first experience with the world of men, and how confident and safe she feels around him, shaping their positive beliefs about themselves influence not only their relationship, but a companion will choose the girl in the future. So, dad, these tips are for you.
Communicating with your daughter, talk without pressure, do not impose your ideas – the pressure can cause a reverse reaction and rejection, the desire to do the opposite. Discuss controversial issues in a debate format, with respect to the opinion of the daughter, even if it differs from yours. This attitude allows you to build a more trusting dialogue between you and the child.
Don’t be afraid of her adolescence. Yes, as long as a little girl, a big part of your relationship is bodily contact: fuss, noisy game, hugs before bed. Daughter is growing – and increasing distance between you, your relationships change, this is perfectly normal. But harmful a teenager and an adult woman needs daddy’s love and support no less than a three year old “Princess”, and if you explicitly distance yourself from her, she’ll just start to doubt in your love. So find a new, equally compelling symptoms: attention and interest to the Affairs and problems of the daughter, joint trips, sports or Hobbies, serious discussions, the time you spend alone together.
Don’t be afraid to compliment the younger daughter, support her developing femininity. It is very important to do regularly compliments her and her mother’s – children notice how you feel about it. The daughter needs to know that the main woman for the father is his wife, her mother, and the parents are indivisible monolith, role in the family stable once and for all have grown, have a child.
Do not insist on the choice of profession, if the daughter does not share your opinion. And preparation for admission to the University, and learning is a great reason to be together, to make it clear to the daughter that you support her.