Between small and old. How to survive in a big family, if everything rests on you?

July 1, 2016

If you have to raise children while taking care of elderly parents, you may be familiar with the feeling experienced sandwich: “two sides clamped bread, and everyone tries to eat”. Money is not always enough and not more.

Susan Quilliam practicing a British psychologist with experience of over 30 years, author of 21 books on the psychology of relationships, gives a few tips on out of this stress. “So you’ve fallen into a classic trap, which is called “sandwich generations”. Everything rests on you and all around helpless. What can I do?”.

START TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX

Care money is not always the best solution, especially if you have little money. There are always other outlets.

NO JOB RESPONSIBILITY ONE

When it comes to providing parents, make sure that your family also takes this balanced participation. So if you regularly help them in everyday life and other everyday things, maybe your brother is living far away from parents, will take on the financial side. Or Vice versa.

TAKE CONTROL

Educating parents is painful, but sometimes necessary step. If you see that they started to kink on the edge, ready to make risky and dangerous decisions, stop them. For their own sake. To sell my apartment and invest all the money in the doubtful office or to donate it to the Church — very pretty, but absolutely irresponsible decision.

DON’T RELY ON A HANDSHAKE

Yes, you are family and you trust each other. But record all financial and property obligations in writing. Give money, take them to do. Courts regularly refuse to hopeless claims without documents, where initially all over the trust, but then stopped. The argument for your relatives: “If we’re going to implement the agreement that prevents us to initial it?”.

NOT ISCHERPYVAYUSCHE THEIR RESOURCES

Don’t get in debts and loans to cover the debts of relatives. Whether it is children or elderly parents, help only out of their money and expect to get enough for themselves.

DON’T CONFUSE MONEY WITH LOVE

To spend time together, encourage, support and be proud of your child in the long run is more valuable than gifts, gadgets and fashion clothes. It is not necessary to rush to extremes, of course, and dress him in rags. But to be killed at work, to have a son was a new toy, and not see him on weekdays, not a solution.

TO TEACH RESPONSIBILITY

Lighten his burden. Teach children that life is not made up of freebies, and their possible responsibilities — it is their duty. Make with them a mutual written agreement. But do not think that after one conversation, they once and for all will help you around the house (will not).

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

From you and required so much. If you live in the mode of racing, why are you doing this? Make money on little treats for yourself, regularly, albeit slowly. In the end, the less you are driven by stress, the more care can pay loved ones.

According to the materials of Good Housekeeping. Photo: fotoimedia.

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