Alina Farkash on why generic advice about relationships don’t work

February 3, 2017

“Men are hunters, they like to Woo a woman” “All women love a beautiful courtship” — all these universal tips on how to find love — nonsense. So says our author Alina Farkash. And explains why.

I’m perfectly able to go on dates! I am cheerful, open, easy going, Flirty and fun-loving. I ask questions, emotional listen, empathize and admire. Usually after such visits the men wanted to ask me on a second and third date. The only question that relationship after three, four and even twenty visits — we have not evolved.

Well, at least because I’m actually depressed introvert who likes to spend days in my pajamas, on your own couch. And in critical situations, I take everything in their hands and pru ahead, which for some reason is very scared of men who admired what I’m all delicate, feminine and enthusiastic.

And I’m like that girl from the joke, which the man consistently offers to go to the movies, Museum,Park or theatre, and that he is responsible, with great pleasure would go have sex now, “as I see it you are not interested in”.

And anyway, I love family life a lot more than all the honeymoon periods ever. The last I had to endure for the sake of decency and social conventions. To play with men prescribed program.

All of these visits ended after a meeting with a man who seemed so impossibly perfect, smart and incredible, that I decided that any chance I have. So, to portray anything in particular, and is not necessary. So he almost immediately saw me — well, for who I am. And it turned out that this is exactly what he needs! And he also hates Dating but loves the usual quiet family life. So we have no dates and was not — he immediately joined our son and life,at once became a member of the family, for seven years, I thank all the gods for once decided to be lazy ourselves, and not the ideal girl that men on Dating.

I don’t understand all these tips for women: what you need to be to love you. If there is one universal man with some universal tastes.

Now, you know, all these generalizations: “Men love gambling, they’re hunters, they appreciate that which you have to achieve!” I don’t know about hunters, but I do know that, for example, my personal husband appreciates the fact that I once proposed to omit the honeymoon period and immediately begin to live together.

Or about sex: normally all kinds of guru relationships have no doubt that sex for men is the greatest of values. And that is basically what he wants from a woman. And the task of the latter — something like sly to Dodge, so he had to take her parts on time and completely and forever. To lure with promises of sex and lead to the Registrar. Generally all generalizations in the field of personal relationships do not work. All this “all men love…”, “all women dream of…” Well, at least because all men and all women are different. Different cockroaches, complexes, fears, social attitudes, secret and not very erotic fantasies and other-other.

For example, I really like when a man says something like: “Put on your hat,it’s cold outside!” I think it’s cute fatherly concern. And many of my friends — terrible rudeness and violation of borders.

But scare me and seem dangerous pursuit of endless phone calls and the lowering of the first date with a giant bouquet of flowers and gifts. And poems. When you’re first Dating write poetry — also a little scary. And some other women, not me, and immediately fell in love.

Here with men — the same story. They are different. I heard two men on one of my very cute friend. One said, “Incredible girl! I’ve never met such women who prefer to listen rather than to speak. It is evident that she is very deep person!” The second said, “She’s pretty… But just no. Don’t talk about what she’s looking at you, silent and waiting for you to entertain her. It’s tiring, I would prefer the person and the interesting interlocutor”. You know? One party, one silent girl, two men and how different impressions.

The awful truth is that the question is not what you are, and that’s how you interpreterpath the man next door. Relatively speaking, fit each other if the design of antennae have your cockroaches, will engage whether they are for one another these antennae?

Seem to him your shortcomings nice features or even advantages. Consider whether it is your habit, for example, to licking the lids from yogurt — charming or disgusting. Are you going for it then the direct child rude or messy? There are no universal recipes, and generally spit in the face to anyone who says that they exist. Almost all of the girls were probably faced with the situation when you go somewhere on holiday all dressed up and beautiful, breathing perfumes and mists,and there is no-th-th. Complete and absolute zero men’s attention. And then you come out with avosoy in old sweatpants with dirty hair in a ponytail, and swollen from a cold nose to buy bread — then you begin to approach the crowds, naturally,the princes. To get acquainted, because I was amazed by your beauty and charm.

I think the only thing to do in such unpredictable situations is to just relax and be yourself. In the sense that to do interesting and natural for you. Don’t hide your desires: want sex, talk about sex.

Want to get married — talk about it (I fall off those who are not going to get married and will remain only those who also wants a family). Want sex, and married — well, you know what to do.

And history last. A friend told me that once courted her a very nice guy, caring very nice and helpful — and then came the day when she agreed to come to his home. Came, looked around, said, “God, it’s filthy!” Demanded his old t-shirt and pants, rags, any kind of chemicals — and till the morning was cleaning his apartment. And he was forced, of course. He then said surprised: “She’s a model and successful! She courted men like that! I thought she was absolutely ethereal life, and she rolled up her sleeves and washed my plate!”

Sex that night they had. But the offer was made. No, not because this guy was hoping that my friend will be life for him to wash the dirt. Just a few years before their meeting, he lost his parents and he had not found the strength to do something in their apartment, lived there, what life is like. And after a joint service — he saw again the house where we could live a family. Where could once again become nice and warm. Cockroaches caught and suddenly tendrils of desire for sex with beautiful and inaccessible woman — born love. That’s how it was possible to predict and plan?


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