For someone to live together is to always have someone who will support, comfort, help… (And morning sex — a-plenty, Yes). For some people, a perpetual source of irritation and the end of romance. As promised, we continue the conversation this morning about whether the lovers hurry to start a life together. Psychologists will tell you how to paddle to the love boat has crashed against the everyday.
1. The problem: Feeling claustrophobic
You have quarreled, and each of you need your own corner in which you can go and let off steam, to relax, to think about the situation. But (depending on how spacious you apartment) this angle might not be.
Solution: If you’re the kind of people who need it after a fight to be left alone, develop a system that will allow you some time to leave each other alone. For example, it is at such moments he sits down to untangle a fishing line or go for a run. Or are you heading to the kitchen with your favorite Sudoku armpit, and he knows that you are some time do not touch. The main thing in this situation — both to continue to feel like home, even if mad at each other.
2. Problem: “What next?”
You have made a serious decision to live together, and the question inevitably arises: “what then? Marriage, kids, the works?” Isn’t that a great stress — rising to such a high step, immediately jump to the next?
Solution: don’t be so hasty. Give yourself a moment to breathe. Even if relatives and friends were pressing with questions like, “when’s the wedding?”. Let yourself enjoy today. Moving in together is no picnic for the ride is a big step! Allow yourself to adapt to new conditions, and when you’re both ready — and then discuss further steps.
3. Problem: “But what about my own life?”
You realize that breaking up with his last free life, and now everything will change. How to maintain personal independence in terms of communication with friends, time for themselves and their class?
Solution: When you were Dating, you had to prioritize among work, hobby, communication with other people to find time for each other. Now it’s time to do the opposite: make time for friends and for myself. The fact that you live together means that you are sharing a house and bed, but not what you turned into Siamese twins and now have not for a moment be separated.
4. Problem: Syndrome new neighbor
What if one of you is a slob and neat? Although it is not such a unique situation. Many of us had to share a hospital room, Dorm room, an apartment to rent, tent camping or the kitchen in a communal apartment.
Solution: have You ever heard anyone said: “We were absolutely the perfect couple that loved each other, but he was so obsessed with cleanliness that we had to leave”? Doubt it. A loving couple will always come to a compromise — especially on such a minor case.
5. Problem: Different tastes in interior design
You are going to begin to repair. First, he says: “Do what you want for all I care!” And you decide: and paint me in different shades of pink, and on the floor lay a fluffy white carpet, and clamps for curtains will be in the form of a French poodle — But in time to grab the hand, because your apartment is not your boudoir, and the decor should be like a man, otherwise he will never be able to feel at home here.
The solution: a Great way to find out the tastes of each of you and to find a middle ground — together to dig into the Internet and view a few sites dedicated to design, together or read a magazine about interiors. Let your man will show examples of what he likes, and you take the elements of the approved design and will add something of their own.
6. Problem: the Struggle for the furniture
For example, in your house perfect for your taste, the decor, and then you moved your PM and was going to bring his beloved furniture. And you have no idea where to shove this shabby sofa, a bookcase and a baby Grand piano to his grandmother.
Solution: On the couch you can replace the upholstery. So you save his favorite thing, without offending your refined taste. From time to time to rearrange the furniture useful — it not only allows you to shake things up, but to find the long rolled into a corner and mourned ring.
Buy in the stationery paper-graph paper, oberaue tape measure all the furniture and the room and make cardboard templates of the whole situation on a smaller scale. (Don’t forget to consider the scope of the doors of the cupboards). And play these patterns on the diagram of the room, looking for options the ideal placement of all that you feel needs and what a pity to send to the dump.
7. Problem: Total budget
He bought this month? New TV. What did you buy? New shoes. And who is as invested in food, household, payment for utilities and Internet? Who buys the toilet paper in the end?
Solution: If these issues are cause for talking tough, it’s time to take a notebook (or, more modern is to sit down at the computer) and start keeping records of income and expenses.
If your earnings levels differ markedly, you may agree that each of you will invest the same percentage into the pot. Or agree who pays for what.